Pros and Cons of Adopting Children

The pro's and con's of adopting a child are truly no different than those involved with having a biological child. Will I bond with my baby? Will I be a good mother? Good father? Can I afford to have a child right now? All questions that have no boundaries with regard to the baby's origin; simply questions that every potential parent struggles with before starting a family. The true difference that must be explored lies within the parent to be; not with the child. Personally, it was important and necessary for me to close one door before walking through another. I spent 10 years trying to have a baby and 10 years praying that God would remove my desire for children if it was not meant to be. After unending fertility treatments, medications, inseminations, surgeries and pregnancies that lasted 6 weeks to 9 months, I was left with only memories; memories of funerals, phantom kicks in the night and the shattered dreams of my 10 precious children that I would never rock to sleep. The desire still remained- but it was mentally, physically and emotionally time to close that door. I had committed 10 years and 100% of my heart and soul to my quest of having a biological child and it was time to lay it down.

Although we had several failed adoption attempts during that time as well, I did not want to pursue adoption as a "temporary fix" until we were able to "biologically" succeed. Don't get me wrong. I am not saying that adopted AND biological children aren't an amazing combination. I just know from personal experience that going through fertility drama and great loss takes an enormous mental toll on a person and if you do not enter into your commitment of adoption with the right mind-set, the very thing you have so desperately wanted - the child - will be the one who ultimately pays the price.

I challenge you to think about what you want in a child. Being completely honest with yourself, sincerely search your heart for the answer to the following question: What is truly important about my child-to-be?

Health? Happiness? Talents and abilities? Intelligence? Physical resemblence to you and your spouse? Namesake status? Be honest with yourself. If physical resemblance and genetics are of great importance to you, it doesn't make you a bad person; it just means that adoption may not be the path you should take.

I believe if you search your heart, remaining completely honest with yourself, the answer to this single question will guide your decision. If you deny these true feelings, the likelihood of you adopting a child and later favoring a biological child over your adopted child, blaming typical bad behaviors that may arise on the child's "adopted" genes, being plagued with "what if's" and "why me's"; or just the general feeling that you had to "settle" for something less than what you wanted or deserved are all very real possibilities.

For the child and for yourself; search your heart. I can tell you from personal experience that I was blessed with adopting my daughter when she was just a day old. From the moment she was placed in my arms, she has been wholly and completely a part of me. Looking back, I now see the path I endured was a necessary part of God's plan to prepare me physically, mentally, and emotionally for the gift I was to receive. My most amazing child that I am truly blessed to say did not come from my belly, totally and completely came straight from my heart.